There’s a saying that a mother is a person who, seeing that there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. The quote has been widely attributed to Tenneva Jordan, whoever that is. (You can look it up.) The essence of the quote is simply this: Mothers often do without so their children might have the things they need.

This should come as no surprise to those of you who know me: I was born in an “upside-up” year; that is, one in which the digits that form the year are the same as when they are rotated upside down. In another words, a rotationally symmetric or reflective inverse year. This happened in 1881 (not the year of my arrival). It happened again in 1961 (Helloooo, World!); and, according to many dime-store mathematicians and a county engineer or two, it might not happen again for almost 4,000 years (6009).

With apologies to Lewis Carroll, the news gets curiouser and curiouser. Since our last conversation, the following news stories have been brought to my attention by one source or another. Let's take a look, shall we?

When one of your presumed friends sends the aforementioned “Billy Madison” invective to you, you just know it’s gonna be a long day. Then again, when you’ve offered up more than 1,000 newspaper opinions in more than two decades, whaddya expect? Everyone’s a critic. Besides, like the Wise One once said: “They can’t all be gems.”

As Yogi Berra most likely didn’t say, “There’s a lot of angry people out there and not all of them are happy.”

"I didn't get my paper this week," the caller told my daughter last Friday afternoon. "What's your address?" Caitlin asked, politely. "The number is on the front of the house," the caller replied.

Even a blind squirrel can find an acorn once in a while. It’s occasionally at least somewhat comforting to know this simple truth: I’m not ALWAYS wrong.

Forgive me, but I can’t help but wonder how CNN would have handled this one. (Actually, I once worked side by side with CNN, and I was not impressed.) If this past Monday’s public meeting of the Jackson Township trustees did not set the 21st century record for profanity uttered in a public meeting, Lord knows what meeting did. But let’s not leap to conclusions, here. This column probably isn’t going where you might think. So bear with me.

On this 27th day of February – a month that is a wicked stepsister to the frigid witch that is January – I hereby declare that winter is over. Done. Fini. History. Nada. No mas. As of this moment, spring has sprung. There are three unmistakable signs that spring has arrived in southern Ohio.
   • Freshly Firestoned and Bridgestoned skunks become part of the rural highway roadkill landscape. (There’s a certain Pennsylvania groundhog that’s going to join them, too.)
   • Reds pitchers and catchers report to spring training.
   • Taxes owed and/or tax refunds slip into coffee break conversations, as do “bubble” teams for the NCAA basketball tournament. (No, UC is not a bubble team.)

Highland County’s unemployment rate has been at or near the top in the entire state for months. Home foreclosures are increasing. County and city offices have struggled to balance their respective budgets. Food lines have been prevalent, almost reaching Great Depression levels. Yet on one invoice for one month, one county office is charged almost $14,000 of taxpayer money (at a rate of $1,604.40 for one full non-color page) for the publishing of legal advertising for, of all things, a listing of citizens who have not or cannot pay their respective property taxes. Absolutely amazing. How do they look the taxpayer in the eye?

Most of us who find ourselves busy enough trying to stay one step in front of the Repo Man (or, in my case this week, a few feet ahead of the Snow Plow Man) often forget a few of life’s simple courtesies.

In true “Jeopardy!” fashion, we’ll begin with the answer in the form of a question: “What is now?” (When is now?!)

Conventional wisdom suggests that owning one’s own newspaper might be best left to the professionals. After all, as Baltimore’s second-most famous journalist, H.L. Mencken, said “A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the
crazy crazier.” Then again, no one’s ever accused me of being conventional – or wise.