Just foolin': It's an April 1 column

By Rory Ryan/The Highland County Press

This column was written on April Fool's Day. Therefore, certain things included herein are to be considered somewhat, if not totally, well, foolish. There may or may not be a bit of the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

It's a little like the many times in which I sat around a roomful of suits at corporate board meetings. It seemed like I could not help myself but to have the audacity to cast a pox on their hokum. 

In other words, when some suit or another – a few of whom actually determined my paycheck's existence or nonexistence – would suggest ways to further reduce already depleted resources, I would wait for the proper moment and respond as follows: "With all due respect..."

You see, once I uttered those four words, it was a get-out-of-jail free card. I mean, I said "with all due respect" prior to pointing out the fallacies of their brain-dead presentation. 

Yes, I got away with it, almost every time. Mark Policinski and the late, great David Tyo may have called me out once or twice. (However, I did make – and save – the company a lot of money for many years. I earned my entitled arrogance at those meetings, few of which ever accomplished anything.)

When I served on a local college board of trustees almost 20 years ago, I attended a Columbus meeting with other college boards across the state with guest speaker Roderick Chu, who was the chancellor of the Ohio Board of Regents.

Dr. Chu's speech was brief. In fact, the only takeaway I still have from that meeting is this quote from the chancellor: "A meeting can best be described as a roomful of people admiring a problem."

I couldn't agree more. For those of us in business or any service – public or private – we know those who get things done and those who simply bloviate about getting things done.

Those who actually get things done do not need meetings. With today's instant communication capabilities, it's easy enough to let workers know what is expected – without the coffee and stale doughnuts. Of course, without the meetings, there might be many mid-level managers who wouldn't know what to do with their work day.

The HCP has a Southern Command Center at least twice a year where I pretend to work and my great staff pretends to ignore me. That's called trust.

No foolin'.

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• Did you ever notice that a cold Shores Light Lager really tastes better after a $30 million lawsuit against you has been rejected in federal court?

After being falsely accused of that which I did not do, it's good to see justice prevail. Vexatious, indeed.

If I knew how to insert an emoji here, I would insert an image of my right thumb placed at the tip of my nose with four fingers waving "bye now." (As the esoteric Larsen E. Pettifogger, Esquire, attorney-at-law in the kingdom of Id, would note: That's what happens you find 'em not guilty.)

There are a few honorable judges and magistrates out there. Believe it.

And God bless Judge Michael R. Barrett. He has a great middle name, by the way.

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• HCP columnist Jim Thompson is a good friend of mine. I am really enjoying his "On the Moraine" series from growing up in eastern Highland County.

So many of Jim's recollections bring back memories of my own younger years and probably those of many of our readers as well.

Like Jim's family, ours planted gardens, raised tobacco, had livestock from cows to hogs to chickens and goats, mostly for family consumption or sale at a small profit.

What we did not have – and what I do not have in 2025 – were cell-phone computers. Nope. We had a Crooked Road party line telephone service. 

The phone was attached to a wall in the kitchen. It was the only phone in the house. Being a party-line phone service, it was not unusual to pick up the receiver and immediately hear neighbors' conversations.

As youngsters, we were instructed never to listen in, just hang up and use the phone later. However, me being me, I may have once or twice "overheard" (not listened in) to what might have been discussed between the Walkers, Dickeys, Coxes, Prestons, Guthries or other neighbors. 

In all honesty, though, it's been so long ago that I simply cannot remember anything salacious – if there ever was. Sorry.

What I do remember about all of those families is this: They were all great neighbors, who would help you in any way they could. It was a great place to grow up. I suspect it still is.

Thanks for letting this April fool ramble on. 

Happy April Fool's Day.

Rory Ryan is publisher and owner of The Highland County Press.