Winter: No retreat, no surrender

As a card-carrying RidgeRunner, I do not know the meaning of the word "quit". Well, technically, I do know what the word means. But you get my point.

For some brief background, I've been through a few rigors in my lifetime.

I've played tackle football without a helmet for several years (yes, that may explain a lot).

I've been in the custody of the U.S. Military Academy for some fun and games at Fort Harrison in 1979. (Thank you, Congressman Bill Harsha, et. al.)

I've worked outside in 20-below zero temperatures before I knew what a wind chill factor was. And even though I did not walk 10 miles a day to school (uphill both ways), I imagine that I could have. No big deal. After all, I had the most demanding boss in history from 1970-89.

And on this 46th day of winter (give or take), I keep telling myself that I've been through worse winters.

The 1977-78 seasonal wonderland comes to mind. So does the Christmas Ice Storm of 2004. We had a few dandies in the late 1960s and early '70s, too.

I was young, then. It was an adventure. It is less so, these days.

Chuck Middleton and I talked about the "snowbird" phenomenon this week while waiting for the swearing in of new Hillsboro Police Chief Todd Whited. Chuck said he used to laugh at people who would leave Ohio for Florida during these cold winter months.

"Now, I envy them," Chuck said.

So do I.

Well, I envy some of them. I don't envy a certain retired county coroner who seems to take great delight in emailing sunset photos and January temperatures from Tampa. Frankly, I don't need that …. after shoveling snow and ice at 128 South High for the 73rd straight day.

Speaking of shoveling snow…

If this winter weren't already enough of a female dog, a co-worker just forwarded an email to me this afternoon from a no doubt well-meaning individual named Sheri, who offered a number of "safe snow shoveling tips from the Snow & Ice Management Association."

I have no reservations that Sheri is a fine person. I'm also about half certain that she wasn't trying to get on my last nerve today with these "snow shoveling tips."

Yet, she did.

Not only did she get on my last nerve, she also got on my first nerve and every damned nerve in between.

Why?

Glad you asked.

For starters, she writes: "Today, at the start of the 2012-2013 snow season, the Snow & Ice Management Association (SIMA), the national nonprofit organization representing the snow removal industry, is suggesting seven tips for safe snow shoveling."

Sheri, baby, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the 2012-13 snow season was a piece of cake. One year ago, the global warming alarmists were all a dither about how unseasonably warm it was. Personally, I was much less a dither. In fact, I liked the winter of 2012-13.

But that was then. This is now.

My personal and professional observation is this: Sheri called up her "snow shoveling tips" news release from last year and sent it to various and sundry media again this year without thinking to change the date. That's fine.

To give the ol' girl her due, here are a few highlights (with my parenthetical thoughts where one would expect to find them).

• A 2011 study published in the Clinical Research in Cardiology revealed that shoveling snow actually does increase the risk of a having a heart attack. (No ... shinola.)

• The study looked at 500 people and found that 7 percent started experiencing symptoms of heart problems while shoveling snow. (Granted, but that's not much of a followup to your first point. For 93 percent of us, anyway.)

• The cardiologists conducting the Canadian study felt that while 7 percent is significant, there could be as many as double that number given the fact that the patients may not have connected their heart problems with snow shoveling. (Granted, but that's not much of a followup to your first point. For 86 percent of us, anyway.)
 
• Today, at the start of the 2012-2013 snow season, the Snow & Ice Management Association (SIMA), the national nonprofit organization representing the snow removal industry, is suggesting seven tips for safe snow shoveling. (It's 2014.)
 
TIP #1: Stay on top of the snow. No, we aren't suggesting that you make snow angels but when there's a heavy snow, the best advice is to stay ahead of the storm. SIMA recommends that to prevent snow and ice from adhering to the sidewalk or street, clear the snow every few inches instead of waiting for the snow to stop falling before you head outdoors. (I always shovel snow from the bottom up, not the top down.)
 
TIP #2: Wear breathable layers. Layering is typical cold winter weather advice. We suggest wearing layers of loose clothing so you can peal a layer off if you get hot. (I haven't been "hot" since July 1980.)
 
TIP #3: Watch your feet. No, you aren't on Dancing with the Stars, but nonetheless, you need to pay attention to what's on your feet when heading outdoors to shovel snow. Good traction is critical to ensuring that you don't slip and fall. (I have two left feet, but when I do slip and fall, I adhere to Tip #1 and try to stay on top of the snow.)
 
TIP #4: Take a few minutes to stretch. (It takes me a lot more than a few minutes to stretch.)
 
TIP #5: Push don't lift. Sounds like something a high school wrestling coach may say but if you push the snow to the side rather than trying to lift the snow to remove it, you exert less energy thereby placing less stress on your body. (In other words, it's like pushing a car because it's easier than pulling it, right?)
 
TIP #6: Drink up! (Amen, sister Sheri! Way ahead of you on Tipper Sixer.)

TIP #7: Don't play in traffic. (Sheri, did you, per chance, spend too much time on Tipper Sixer? We have instructed our children not to play in traffic since Day One. Not sure where you're headed with this one. Cheers.)
 
TIP #8: Call and text. We're not suggesting that you make calls and text while shoveling snow, but it is important to have your cell phone on you so you can make a call in event of an emergency. (I do not own any portable device with which I can call and text, nor do I know how to operate such devices. However, in the event of a snow-shoveling emergency, I like to keep about 50 gallons of gasoline nearby. I find that pouring this over the snow and ice and accidentally dropping the match after lighting a Macanudo works wonders.)

After her eight survival tips, Sheri added this gem: "Following these seven tips will help ensure that you survive and thrive through winter 2012-2013."

As I said from the outset, I'm not all that bright, but I've already survived the winter of 2012-13. So have you.

We'll survive this one, too.

Hang in there. And thank all of the state, county, city and township truck drivers for their efforts at keeping the roadways passable. It'll be OK.

Rory Ryan is publisher of The Highland County Press.