Plastic politicians, rocket launches and a good vacation

By Rory Ryan
The Highland County Press

Did it ever occur to you that the trouble with Washington politics is… – oh, wait, there's no “one problem” with Washington politics.

However, it did occur to me around 1 o’clock this morning while driving north on Interstate 77 in North Carolina – maybe it was Virginia – that the problem with Washington politics is that too many men in Congress look like Ken and not enough women look like Barbie.

What prompted this astute observation was a late-night radio show host who commented that Friday, March 13 was the Ken doll’s birthday. The talking head also said that Ken’s last name was Carson. Who knew?

While listening and driving, the thought came to mind that today’s U.S. Congress has a lot of Ken dolls.

You know the type. The plastic guys with perfect teeth, perfect hair, terminally tanned. Ohio has had its share of Kens, too. (Except for John Boehner, who’s orange, for some odd reason.)

It is no small wonder that the U.S. Capitol is referred to as Hollywood East. Washington politicians are in the Minor League of Hollywood actors, hopefully waiting for their eventual call-up to the Big Time. They’ve got the makeup routine down perfectly.

But while many men in Congress have the Ken doll look, very few women in Congress have the Barbie look. Several have the Raggedy Ann look. Or the Mrs. Beasley look. (Nancy D'Alesandro Pelosi comes to mind.)

A generation or two ago, Ohio sent men like Bill Harsha and Bud Brown to Congress. We sent men like John Glenn to the Senate. We had governors like Jim Rhodes. House Speakers like Vern Riffe.

They were more interested in true public service and getting things done. Or at least it sure seemed that way.

They didn’t have perfect hair or perfect teeth or personal tanning booths. Occasionally, they wore a rumpled suit and an old – but comfortable – pair of dress shoes. These men worked, too. They also understood that their employers were the working men and women of their respective districts. They were not the Lord and Master of all.

Back then, Americans wouldn’t have put up with it, either.

Today’s voters usually opt for the pretty boys over the men of character and integrity. One question, though: If Washington politics today is so well-stocked with Ken dolls, is it too much to ask – with respect to gender equity – for a few who look more like Barbie?

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We've been here a week or so,
Now it's finally time to go.
Can't believe how quickly time has flown,

Packin' up the bathin' suits,
Getting out the cowboy boots,
That's a sign we must be going home…

– Jerry Jeff Walker

Did anyone mention I am on vacation?

Well, I was, anyway. I’m back. Rested, relaxed and ready.

Colin, Pam and I (sans our two daughters, much to my chagrin – or is it dismay?) enjoyed a week of picture-perfect weather at New Smyrna Beach.

We left Ohio with a foot of snow in our front yard and returned to find a foot of water in the same yard. But no water pressure from the Highland County Water Company. No worries. The water company soon corrected the problem.

In addition to not drowning (some people call this “swimming”) in our pool or in the Atlantic Ocean, we found several great restaurants and spent Tuesday morning with two of Hillsboro’s finest citizens in the town’s 200-year history. No one truly knows all that they have done for Highland County. Suffice it to say their contributions are immeasurable. (They would not be pleased to be mentioned by name.)

To cap off a great vacation, we were able to watch the 10:44 p.m. March 12 NASA launch of four identical spacecraft on a mission to study the give-and-take of the Earth and sun's magnetic fields. NASA’s Magnetospheric Multiscale mission studies the mystery of how magnetic fields around Earth connect and disconnect, explosively releasing energy via a process known as magnetic reconnection. (That’s straight from NASA and please do not expect me to explain it.)

All I can say is that it was a fantastic sight and it was very nice that everyone around us at New Smyrna gave a nice round of applause following the successful launch. By the way, the rocket’s roar reached us about one or two minutes after liftoff. By then, it was a gentle rumble but still impressive. Almost made me want to have a glass of Tang as a toast to American ingenuity. I opted for a cold Budweiser.

Also, last week was Bike Week at Daytona Beach – and all around Florida's east coast from Flagler to Cocoa. As we admired the Harleys, we drove down Atlantic Avenue and Main Street at Daytona following a white Ford Fusion (GGH license plate) from ... you guessed it: Highland County. Small world.

* * *

Speaking of being on vacation, I owe my sincere gratitude to Angie Matticks, Stephen Forsha, Lisa Wharton, a few Ryans, Mickey Parrott, Lori (Boatman) Tuttle and others who proved once again that whatever it is that I do, it’s not all that necessary.

Or, as Stephen, put it quite accurately, “Now you know how John Calipari feels.”

In my day, we would have said, “Now you know how John Wooden feels.”

Regardless, I thank all of these fine people for taking care of The Highland County Press during my absence.

Maybe I’ll take off another week or two….

Thanks.

Rory Ryan is publisher and owner of The Highland County Press.