Pecking away for the 2013 Celebrity Speed Typing Challenge

This finger was meant to type.

After almost a quarter-century of being among that erstwhile profession that Ted Williams disdainfully dubbed as Knights of the Keyboard, my one and only typing finger remains that International Digit of Irreverence on my right hand.

Thus, you can imagine my surprise (twofold, as it were) when I received a June 24 email from Kevin Wilson for something called the Celebrity Speed Typing Challenge.

Not only was I surprised to be invited to a speed-typing challenge, I was even more surprised by the use of the term "celebrity" in the email.

Mr. Wilson's invitational correspondence began as follows:

Rory,

How would you like to help a Cincinnati non-profit while gaining the title of the fastest typist in the city? (I'm not even the fastest typist in my family.)

We'd like to invite you to compete in the Celebrity Speed Typing Challenge, an online by-invitation typing contest that will benefit WordPlay, a Cincinnati nonprofit organization supporting children in grades K-12 with free tutoring, literacy skills, creative writing and collaborative arts programs.

The celebrity competition, which is part of the Cincy Typing Challenge, runs now through July 12, 2013 and will help us to determine who is the fastest celebrity typist in the region.

We are inviting members of the media, local politicians and personalities, civic leaders and professional athletes, actors, dancers and musicians to participate in the contest.

Quite obviously, Kevin Wilson has never seen me type. (Or attempt to.)

For one and only one week during my freshman year at Whiteoak High School, I endured Martha Haigh's typing class. Martha caught me memorizing sentences and retyping them with the same middle digit that I'm using today. I withdrew from the class, saying to myself that I'll never "type" for a living, anyway.

Chalk that up to another one of my great predictions.

Mr. Wilson's email continues:

The top two finishers in the celebrity event will be invited to participate in the finals of the Cincy Typing Challenge at Cincinnati Museum Center on July 25. The Cincy Typing Challenge commemorates the 125-year anniversary of the country's first professional typing contest, which took place July 25, 1888 at what is today The Cincinnatian Hotel.

Maybe Mr. Wilson thinks I was part of the 1888 contest or maybe he's heard about The HCP's display of old manual typewriters.

Just when I was thinking of entering this contest, however, I read the rest of his email.

For the finals, the final two competitors from our Celebrity Challenge will compete using a new mobile QWERTY device. You will receive the device to practice with shortly after the July 12.

That sealed it.

I have never heard of a mobile QWERTY device. Nor do I want one.

As you know, I do not own a cell phone. I do not text. I do not twitter. And I do not QWERTY.

In fact, I had to ask a co-worker what "QWERTY" stood for.

"Look at your keyboard letters – top line, just below the numbers."

Well, I'll be hogtied and donate $10 to the city's new Adopt-a-Pothole Program!

Who knew?

As a nonconformist typer, after learning about the QWERTY sequence, I had to ask the obvious: If they can put the numbers in proper order on a typewriter or keyboard, why can't they put the letters in proper sequence? Riddle me that one, Batman.

Mr. Wilson concludes by suggesting that I share this invitation "with other celebrities and personalities that you may know."

Let's see. How many "celebrities" do I know?

Hmm. Since my list of "celebrities" is limited to John Wayne and the aforementioned Ted Williams, maybe I can share this with someone who's met the Duke or the Splinter.

How about it, Kirk Dickey? Here's a shout-out to Whiskey Road.

Kirk Dickey was fortunate enough to meet John Wayne when we were kids – and I've been jealous of him ever since.

In all sincerity, I'm sure that WordPlay, the Cincinnati nonprofit that supports pupils and students in grades K-12 with free tutoring, literacy skills, creative writing and collaborative arts programs is an excellent program.

In you'd like to contribute, give Kevin Wilson a call at (513) 898-1008.

* * *

Justice served?

As passionate as some of us are about the written word and the accuracy and fairness related thereto, Highland County is fortunate to have a sitting prosecutor who is similarly passionate about the scales of justice.

I believe Prosecuting Attorney Anneka Collins has the passion, energy, intelligence and intestinal fortitude to do what most of us would agree is an often-times unpleasant task.

A relatively young man was sentenced today in Highland County Common Pleas Court for killing his young niece in August 2012.

The young man will be imprisoned until he's at least 44 years old.

The mere thought that he may again breathe free air in 25 years bothers me, but not to the point where I would be critical of today's plea agreement.

Once the defendant agreed to enter a guilty plea, the next reasonable step in the judicial process was the sentencing phase.

When I look at the 25 years (24+) prior to eligibility for parole for the 19-year-old killer, I'm left with this personal conundrum: Would I feel differently about the life sentence if the killer were 70, instead of 19?

Truth be told: Yes, I would.

Not – in any way – to make light of this gruesome account, but I am reminded of the old question asked of a judge by Henri Charrière (Papillon): "How long does 'hard labor for life' last in France?"

And of this, from an elderly convicted killer who told a Hamilton County judge after being sentenced to 25 years in prison: "Judge, I'm 75 years old. I can't do 25 years."

The judge allegedly replied: "Do all you can."

Yes, it bothers me that this killer may be back in society as a relatively young man.

With that said, I believe Prosecutor Collins when she said: "He is going to serve his time, and it's life, with a possibility of parole in 25 years. That doesn't mean he will get it. I will oppose it as long as I'm alive."

To answer the question, was justice served?

Yes. Do not fault the court on this one. Don't you dare.

In what had to be a most trying ordeal for law enforcement, initial responders, legal counselors and, without a doubt, the family of this young victim, justice has been served.

"I just hope everyone remembers this little girl," Prosecutor Collins said this afternoon. "Say an extra prayer for her tonight, and hold your kids a little closer."

Indeed.

Rory Ryan is publisher of The Highland County Press.