This is going to be one of 'those' columns...

John Belushi warned us.

This just in: Swarms of locusts are devouring crops across Egypt.

Some reports say an estimated 30 million insects (who counts these buggers, anyway?) are wiping out crops in Egypt, and bringing to mind the biblical story of the plagues.

The timing doesn't help, either.

Sure glad I gave up cicadas for Lent.

* * *

And then there was my son's ESPN magazine dated March 4. On Page 35, appeared one of "those" advertisements. A full page, color ad, no less. The artwork included a tree and a red-headed woodpecker.

A few weeks ago, at a Highland County public meeting, I was alerted to the ad campaign of this particular hygienic product. A local public official showed the ad to me on his cell phone. The artwork included a beaver and a log.

You may draw your own conclusions as to the product. Suffice it to say, neither the public official (a male), nor my son, nor yours truly will ever be in need of it.

But the ad campaign did generate some somewhat "stimulating" conversation the other day about another marketing campaign. This one was a 30-second television commercial which concluded with a couple sitting outside in separate bathtubs, looking into the woods.

"You never know when the time is right," the announcer explained in the product pitch line.

Apparently, the time could be right – even if the couple are in separate bathtubs, in the woods, in what has to be cold water (lukewarm, at best).

Knock yourselves up. I mean out.

* * *

With that said, I'm no prude. Really. Ask any member of my family or any one of my (relatively few) friends. But we'll not be running the ESPN ads in The HCP anytime soon. For one thing, we can't tap into the account. For another, readers like Shorty Beavers probably wouldn't approve. We respect that. We really do.

* * *

Did I miss so something or is Dennis "The Worm" Rodman the United States' new ambassador to North Korea?

In an interview with George Stephanopoulos, The Worm said North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, like President Obama, is a basketball fan. Who knew?

Rodman also said: "He (Little Kim Jong-un) don’t (sic) want war. He loves power. He loves control…"

And all those missile tests emanating from North Korea are just Fourth of July fireworks…

* * *

And then there was Joe Biden, the erstwhile plagiarizer, once again identifying himself as president of these United States for the second time in less than six months.

Speaking this week in Washington, Biden said: "Our deep commitment to the security state of Israel … has not changed. That will not change as long as I and he (Obama) are president and vice president of the United States." (Respectively?)

Gotta love ol' crazy Uncle Joe from Delaware.

* * *

Alabama's U.S. Sen. Jeff Sessions can – and does – count. He's a good man, too.

Last week, Sen. Sessions was among the first in Congress to announce that Obamacare will add more than $6 trillion (with a 'T') to the national deficit.

The Left was quick to point out that the additional $6 trillion was for a 75-year period.

That's all well and good.

But just how long did it take the nation to reach its first $6 trillion deficit? By the way, ObamaNation told us that the Affordable Care Act would reduce the deficit, not increase it by $6 trillion (that we don't have).

According to the senator, the nonpartisan Government Accountability Office proves the Affordable Care Act won't reduce the deficit.

"The report reveals the dramatic falsehoods that were used to push the bill to passage," Sen. Sessions said.

"The big taxes increases in the bill come nowhere close to covering the bill's spending. The big-government crowd in Washington manipulated the numbers to get the financial score they wanted, to get their bill passed and to increase their power and influence," the Alabama lawmaker said.

Roll Tide.

Rory Ryan is publisher of The Highland County Press.