A failure to communicate from the box

Carr, The Floor Walker: "Them clothes got laundry numbers on them. You remember your number and always wear the ones that has your number. Any man forgets his number spends a night in the box. These here spoons you keep with you. Any man loses his spoon spends a night in the box. There's no fighting in the building. You got a grudge against another man, you fight him Saturday afternoon. Any man fighting in the building spends a night in the box. First bell's at five minutes of eight when you will get in your bunk. Last bell is at eight. Any man not in his bunk at eight spends the night in the box. Any man caught smoking in bed spends a night in the box. You get two sheets. Every Saturday, you put the clean sheet on the top... the top sheet on the bottom... and the bottom sheet you turn in to the laundry boy. Any man turns in the wrong sheet spends a night in the box. Any man with dirty pants on sitting on the bunks spends a night in the box. Any man don't bring back his empty pop bottle spends a night in the box. Any man loud talking spends a night in the box. You got questions, you come to me. I'm Carr, the Floor Walker. I'm responsible for order in here. Any man don't keep order spends a night …"

Cool Hand Luke Jackson (Paul Newman) completes the Floor Walker's final directive to the inmates by whispering ... "in the box."

For those less enlightened souls among us, the previous prologue is from the 1967 film "Cool Hand Luke," starring Paul Newman, George Kennedy, Jo Van Fleet and the snake man, Strother Martin, as Boss Godfrey.

One day last week, I spent a morning "in the box."

In this particular instance, "the box" was not a physical punishment torture chamber at a Southern prison camp – something with which Cool Hand Luke would become all too familiar.

Instead, this "box" was the single-person restroom facility on the street-level of the South High home of The Highland County Press.

As fate would have it, early one morning toward the end of last week, I entered said box and closed the door behind me as any good citizen would.

Upon relief, I turned, and attempted to open the door. No luck. The door was not locked, mind you. I then turned the interior doorknob in the opposite direction. Again, no luck.

What a revolting development, I thought to myself.

Knowing that one HCP team member was in the front office, I hollered her name.

No answer.

I hollered again; this time, a little louder.

"ANNNNNNNNNN-GEEEEEEEE!"

Nothing.

It occurred to me that Angie, the vice president and business mind of this local newspaper, was working with an earphone for listening to her music (or whatever else she may be listening to).

So I decided that I'd pound on the interior walls and door of "the box," in hopes of getting someone's attention – either upstairs or downstairs.

Nothing.

(What we've got here is a failure to communicate, I said to anyone who might be listening.)

Of course, no one was listening.

Then, just as I was about to bust out of "the box" by forcing my right shoulder into the door and separating it from its frame and hinges, my coworker opened a door. Of course, she did not open the door that had me trapped in "the box." She opened the back door of the office, thinking that I'd locked myself outside (again). The two doors are less than five feet apart.

"Wrong door," I said, after clearing my throat. "I'm in here."

After considerable laughter just to add to my humiliation, Angie found a Phillips screwdriver and removed the broken doorknob.

Later that same day while purchasing a new doorknob, I ran into my friend Ron Hennison, Jr.

"How's it going?" Ron asked.

"Better now," I said. "I just spent the morning locked in the bathroom."

Ron just smiled and shook his head.

I thought the young lady at the counter might die from laughing at me.

About 10 minutes later, I stopped at Great Scot. Again, I was asked about my day. This time, another good friend, Bee Robinson, made the inquiry.

I responded the same way to Bee, saying I'd just spent the morning locked in the latrine.

"They probably heard you, but just wanted to leave you in there," Bee offered.

Somehow, that seems more and more logical – in so many ways – as I think about it.

Cool Hand Luke would understand.

* * *

Speaking of The HCP latrine, prior to yours truly being locked in "the box," one of the more recent customers was a staff member of Ohio gubernatorial candidate Ed FitzGerald, who visited the office last week.

At the time, some of us were more concerned about what the young man might say about the restroom artwork. From the outside, there's a sasquatch (maybe it's a gorilla) reading a newspaper. From the inside, a standing male user will look up and see the famous locker room photo of Pete Rose and Tony Perez "going about their business." (Look it up online or stop by The HCP.)

As we reported last week, Mr. FitzGerald, along with Highland County Democratic Party Chair Dinah Phillips, met with The Highland County Press to discuss the gubernatorial race and related issues.

Frankly, I found Ed FitzGerald to be a refreshing change for a politician.

He is a former Lakewood City Council member, former mayor of Lakewood, current Cuyahoga County executive, and served as a prosecutor and as an FBI agent. Not bad credentials at all.

The essence of his message is:

• Who is the promise of Ohio meant for? Just the wealthy and well-connected? Or the average Ohioans who get up early and get it done every day?

• It's time Ohio starts working for working people. As governor, I'll create jobs by helping small businesses grow and restore cuts to firefighters, police and teachers.

• Let's start supporting the middle class for a change, not just a wealthy few, because Ohio was meant for all of us.

Shortly after we posted our story on the FitzGerald campaign, I received – on my personal email – the following from the Ohio Republican Party who, like everyone else, reads our website:

"I saw that FitzGerald was in town today to talk about his ad and other issues. I wanted to get you a response from the Ohio Republican Party. I also wanted to make sure that you saw the website that the Ohio Republican Party put out today about FitzGerald’s real record. http://www.fitzgeraldforohio.com/
 
'Ed FitzGerald has no ideas for Ohio other than to spend money the state doesn’t have. The only real ideas he has offered are to increase spending by over $2 billion with no way to pay for it, but raising taxes. His tax and spend approach isn’t surprising given his record in Cuyahoga County where his budget spends more than it takes in and his county’s credit rating has been downgraded – something he tried to keep secret from the public. FitzGerald has opposed over $3 billion in tax relief that Governor Kasich has delivered for all Ohioans, while he presides over the highest taxed county in the state, where he has done nothing but RAISE taxes. In a sign of just how incompetent and out of touch FitzGerald is, he picked a running mate who owed nearly $1 million in unpaid taxes and a county Treasurer with similar tax and legal issues. He said neither were a big deal. It leaves no doubt that FitzGerald would drive Ohio back into the ditch that Governor Kasich has worked so hard to get us out of.”
 
The email was from Chris Schrimpf, communications director of the Ohio Republican Party, with this disclaimer: "Paid for by the Ohio Republican Party. www.ohiogop.org. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee."

I wouldn't know Chris Schrimpf if he – or she – walked into my office. But I do know that the Ohio GOP certainly did not pay The Highland County Press for this "Republican rebuttal."

While in Highland County, I did not hear Ed FitzGerald use such an inflammatory tone against the present governor. He showed much more respect for the office.

FitzGerald did suggest that he offers a more fiscally conservative approach to state government.

"If you look at what he (Kasich) is doing on conservative principles, it's not a fiscally conservative record," he said. "Money has been taken from education and local government funding. Senior citizens will pay more taxes for the same services."

FitzGerald also accurately pointed out that the Kasich administration has far outspent the Ted Strickland administration.

Now, I know for an absolute fact that Highland County's three Republican county commissioners and its Republican county auditor have expressed the same concerns over cuts in local government funding, as well they should.

Granted, politics being a bit of a go along to get along or "pay to play" system (see The Dayton Daily News story on Mike DeWine at http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/news/crime-law/pepper-says-dewine-rigged-bid-for-friend/ngksr/), these Republicans are not inclined to be openly critical of Gov. Kasich or the GOP-controlled state Legislature.

FitzGerald also said he would support across-the-board audits of all state government offices. "That's how I cut my budgets at the city and county levels. We should be able to provide good services at a reasonable cost."

Lord knows, there are efficiencies to be found not only in state government, but also in local government, particularly in the city of Hillsboro.

FitzGerald has officially accepted six debate invitations and has extended offers to Gov. Kasich to participate in several more across the state.

Kasich seems less interested to debate in 2014 than he did in 2010. That's understandable. It's also politically expedient.

Highland County Democratic Party Chair Dinah Phillips said last week "I'm very excited for the party that Ed is running for Ohio governor. As a mayor and county executive, he's been very innovative. He's a lot more conservative than some Republicans. He's very forthright and succinctly answers your questions. I think people need to meet him – face to face – and they will be impressed."

I know I was.

Rory Ryan is publisher and owner of The Highland County Press.