A clean stove and Thanksgiving musings
By
Rory Ryan-hcpress@cinci.rr.com
A clean stove and Thanksgiving musings
Before I attempt to write this Thanksgiving 2010 column, I must inform our dear friend Lynn Neal that Colin and I are not cleaning the stove this week.
The task has been accomplished by someone who hopes my annual rant, “Giving thanks for a clean stove,” has been put out to the range pasture once and for all.
As much as Lynn has pretended to enjoy the many variations of my Thanksgiving column over the years, I’m happy to report that the stove has been pulled away from the wall, duly cleaned and replaced, and Jimmy Hoffa wasn’t buried in the abyss behind the stove this time.
Now, on to more important tasks (and, please, watch for the sarcasm, it’s in there)...
After reading last week’s column about the $740 sale of the contents of the former Hillsboro safety building, Mayor Zink called and read to me from a lengthy list of areas in which he’s reduced spending in the past seven years.
He can certainly be forgiven for not attempting to sell the once-owned taxpayer property in the old safety building because, after all, he’s cut spending elsewhere. (I offered to publish his list, but he declined. The good mayor did tell me that my opinions were like another part of my anatomy and I enjoyed a very good laugh this week.)
His logic sounds reasonable to me, though. I’m sure the city of Hillsboro expenses have been on a downward spiral for each of these past seven years, given the myriad cuts in overtime and salaries and bennies. For the life of me, I can’t understand why the auditor keeps poor-mouthing the city’s finances. (*) One of these days the state auditors will have to explain it all to me.
(* See sarcasm reference above.)
And, so what, if a local comedian is willing to pay $740 for all the “junk” in his recently purchased building; well, that’s between the funny man and the other funny man. God bless ’em both.
If the mayor insists the building contained nothing but junk, who am I to disagree? Why taxpayers bought so much junk is another question, but I know that’s of no concern to the taxpayers. There’s plenty more where that came from, isn’t there?
***
Mike Huckabee has called me darned near every evening at 6:05 p.m. since the November midterm election. And I still don’t know what he wants.
The next presidential election is two years away, but I’d vote for Hillary Clinton (By God, I would) over Huckabee. She once gave me a much-needed Nike gym bag and she’s never called for anything in return.
As names go, Huckabee is funnier than Hillary. But I’m sick and tired of his nightly calls.
Now if Sarah happens to call, that’s a bird of a different color. Juneau what I mean?
***
Meanwhile, airline pilot unions are telling their members not to submit to body scanners at airport security checkpoints. This, understandably, has gotten a few airline passengers all up in the air.
After all, if the pilots don’t have to submit to having their privates scanned, why should the passengers – who pay the pilots? Funny you should ask...
As an alternative to the electronic, radiation, X-ray vision, full-body scanners, today’s airline passengers can opt out for a little mano a mano body check.
According to an AP story, an “independent group of experts” says as long as radiation doses are kept within the low limits set for the scanners, the family jewels will continue to sparkle.
“Still, a few scientists worry that machines might malfunction, raising the risk of cancer,” the AP reported.
The Transportation Security Administration, which, again is funded by taxpayers and fliers, wrote to White House science adviser John Holdren: “We are confident that full-body X-ray security products and practices do not pose a significant risk to the public health.”
The TSA is confident that the scanners do not pose a significant risk. Hmm…
If that isn’t another case of “I’m from the government and I’m here to help,” I don’t know what is.
Arizona State University physics professor Peter Rez told the AP, “The thing that worries me the most is what happens if the thing fails in some way” and emits too much radiation.
“The risk for failure is higher than in a medical setting because the machines are operated much more often, and by TSA workers without medical training,” Rez said.
In other words, Dr. Rez doesn’t have too much faith in the federal Five-and-Dimers who are operating the X-ray equipment, as they rush to hide behind an anti-radiation wall.
As they told me when they scanned my leg prior to surgery, “This won’t hurt a bit; just lie still.”
Then, they rushed out of the room and left me and my leg and all the radiation they could muster all by our lonesomes.
Of course, they were right: I never felt a thing.
***
Maybe I shouldn’t spend so much time reading The Daily Telegraph (www.telegraph.co.uk) in London (England, not Ohio), but sometimes I can’t help myself.
The headlines are just too appealing.
Like this one: “Fig leaf knickers protect passengers’ privates from airport scanners.”
How do you NOT read that story?
According to the Telegraph story, “A Las Vegas businessman has invented a special underwear with a strategically placed fig leaf designed to get modest passengers through the airport screeners with their dignity intact.”
Not that I have any dignity left at this point in my life, nor do I necessarily care to regain whatever dignity I may have lost, but I just had to learn more about this Vegas creation.
“Jeff Buske claims his invention uses a powdered metal that protects people’s privacy when undergoing security screenings,” the Telegraph reports. “Mr. Buske, of Nevada-Rocky Flats Gear, says the underwear’s inserts are thin and conform to the body’s contours. The mix of tungsten and other metals do not set off metal detectors. The garments feature either a fig leaf or a clasped hands motif.”
A “clasped hands motif?” Whiskey, Tango Foxtrot. What, pray tell, is a “clasped hands motif?”
Could that be some replication of the old grip-and-grin newspaper photos in which everyone, not knowing what else to do with their hands, simply folded them over their…lower midsection?
As much as I’d love to get to Key West by any given Friday in winter, there are days when I’m glad I don’t fly. There’s a lot to see from here to there. And if I travel by way of my own personal mode of transportation, I can see it all just fine.
There’s also a lot to see from here to there that’s none of the federal government’s business. Which makes one wonder what would happen if someone gave the moon to their scanners and full-body searches?
It seems we continue to give up our liberties in hopes of security.
We’ll most likely end up with neither as good ol’ Ben Franklin predicted.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Rory Ryan is publisher and editor of The Highland County Press.
Before I attempt to write this Thanksgiving 2010 column, I must inform our dear friend Lynn Neal that Colin and I are not cleaning the stove this week.
The task has been accomplished by someone who hopes my annual rant, “Giving thanks for a clean stove,” has been put out to the range pasture once and for all.
As much as Lynn has pretended to enjoy the many variations of my Thanksgiving column over the years, I’m happy to report that the stove has been pulled away from the wall, duly cleaned and replaced, and Jimmy Hoffa wasn’t buried in the abyss behind the stove this time.
Now, on to more important tasks (and, please, watch for the sarcasm, it’s in there)...
After reading last week’s column about the $740 sale of the contents of the former Hillsboro safety building, Mayor Zink called and read to me from a lengthy list of areas in which he’s reduced spending in the past seven years.
He can certainly be forgiven for not attempting to sell the once-owned taxpayer property in the old safety building because, after all, he’s cut spending elsewhere. (I offered to publish his list, but he declined. The good mayor did tell me that my opinions were like another part of my anatomy and I enjoyed a very good laugh this week.)
His logic sounds reasonable to me, though. I’m sure the city of Hillsboro expenses have been on a downward spiral for each of these past seven years, given the myriad cuts in overtime and salaries and bennies. For the life of me, I can’t understand why the auditor keeps poor-mouthing the city’s finances. (*) One of these days the state auditors will have to explain it all to me.
(* See sarcasm reference above.)
And, so what, if a local comedian is willing to pay $740 for all the “junk” in his recently purchased building; well, that’s between the funny man and the other funny man. God bless ’em both.
If the mayor insists the building contained nothing but junk, who am I to disagree? Why taxpayers bought so much junk is another question, but I know that’s of no concern to the taxpayers. There’s plenty more where that came from, isn’t there?
***
Mike Huckabee has called me darned near every evening at 6:05 p.m. since the November midterm election. And I still don’t know what he wants.
The next presidential election is two years away, but I’d vote for Hillary Clinton (By God, I would) over Huckabee. She once gave me a much-needed Nike gym bag and she’s never called for anything in return.
As names go, Huckabee is funnier than Hillary. But I’m sick and tired of his nightly calls.
Now if Sarah happens to call, that’s a bird of a different color. Juneau what I mean?
***
Meanwhile, airline pilot unions are telling their members not to submit to body scanners at airport security checkpoints. This, understandably, has gotten a few airline passengers all up in the air.
After all, if the pilots don’t have to submit to having their privates scanned, why should the passengers – who pay the pilots? Funny you should ask...
As an alternative to the electronic, radiation, X-ray vision, full-body scanners, today’s airline passengers can opt out for a little mano a mano body check.
According to an AP story, an “independent group of experts” says as long as radiation doses are kept within the low limits set for the scanners, the family jewels will continue to sparkle.
“Still, a few scientists worry that machines might malfunction, raising the risk of cancer,” the AP reported.
The Transportation Security Administration, which, again is funded by taxpayers and fliers, wrote to White House science adviser John Holdren: “We are confident that full-body X-ray security products and practices do not pose a significant risk to the public health.”
The TSA is confident that the scanners do not pose a significant risk. Hmm…
If that isn’t another case of “I’m from the government and I’m here to help,” I don’t know what is.
Arizona State University physics professor Peter Rez told the AP, “The thing that worries me the most is what happens if the thing fails in some way” and emits too much radiation.
“The risk for failure is higher than in a medical setting because the machines are operated much more often, and by TSA workers without medical training,” Rez said.
In other words, Dr. Rez doesn’t have too much faith in the federal Five-and-Dimers who are operating the X-ray equipment, as they rush to hide behind an anti-radiation wall.
As they told me when they scanned my leg prior to surgery, “This won’t hurt a bit; just lie still.”
Then, they rushed out of the room and left me and my leg and all the radiation they could muster all by our lonesomes.
Of course, they were right: I never felt a thing.
***
Maybe I shouldn’t spend so much time reading The Daily Telegraph (www.telegraph.co.uk) in London (England, not Ohio), but sometimes I can’t help myself.
The headlines are just too appealing.
Like this one: “Fig leaf knickers protect passengers’ privates from airport scanners.”
How do you NOT read that story?
According to the Telegraph story, “A Las Vegas businessman has invented a special underwear with a strategically placed fig leaf designed to get modest passengers through the airport screeners with their dignity intact.”
Not that I have any dignity left at this point in my life, nor do I necessarily care to regain whatever dignity I may have lost, but I just had to learn more about this Vegas creation.
“Jeff Buske claims his invention uses a powdered metal that protects people’s privacy when undergoing security screenings,” the Telegraph reports. “Mr. Buske, of Nevada-Rocky Flats Gear, says the underwear’s inserts are thin and conform to the body’s contours. The mix of tungsten and other metals do not set off metal detectors. The garments feature either a fig leaf or a clasped hands motif.”
A “clasped hands motif?” Whiskey, Tango Foxtrot. What, pray tell, is a “clasped hands motif?”
Could that be some replication of the old grip-and-grin newspaper photos in which everyone, not knowing what else to do with their hands, simply folded them over their…lower midsection?
As much as I’d love to get to Key West by any given Friday in winter, there are days when I’m glad I don’t fly. There’s a lot to see from here to there. And if I travel by way of my own personal mode of transportation, I can see it all just fine.
There’s also a lot to see from here to there that’s none of the federal government’s business. Which makes one wonder what would happen if someone gave the moon to their scanners and full-body searches?
It seems we continue to give up our liberties in hopes of security.
We’ll most likely end up with neither as good ol’ Ben Franklin predicted.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Rory Ryan is publisher and editor of The Highland County Press.
[[In-content Ad]]