The 'Out-of-Towners'

By Jim Thompson
HCP columnist

There was a movie made in 1970, starring Jack Lemon and Sandy Dennis, playing George and Gwen Kellerman, a couple from Ohio headed to New York City for a job interview.

The plans for their trip turn into a total disaster, starting with a downpour. As my wife and I headed to Manhattan for a long weekend the Thursday before the Memorial Day, I began to have the same feelings. Our flight from Atlanta to Newark was delayed by over four hours due to rain.

We had to call our favorite restaurant twice, once to slide the time back and the second time to move our reservation to another night as it became obvious that our arrival would be very, very late, indeed. Long story short, the sun came out and it warmed up on Monday as we headed home.

We usually go to New York twice a year, once either at Memorial Day or Labor Day, the other time in early December. We consider it a great privilege and something we have enjoyed doing probably 30 times or more over the years. In reality, we are not “Out-of-Towners” – we are experienced.

However, in today’s politicized world, and what could be more politicized than Hizzoner Mayor Bloomberg trying to limit the size of sodas and banish guns, I look at Manhattan in a different light than in my earlier years.

First, there are the beggars. I used to think San Francisco was the world capital of the begging profession, but I have to say, New York is moving up the list.

Three or four years ago, you would not be approached more than once in two or three days. Now, it is about two or three times per hour. I got so I was asking them who they voted for before I would consider giving them money. My wife got on my case about that.

But, hey, in the world of the wise and wonderful President Obama, I thought everyone’s needs were being met — obviously not.

Nevertheless, I have figured out what I am going to do next trip. I am going to get a bunch of McDonald’s “Arch Cards” and pass those out. Say what you want to about McDonald’s, but I don’t know a more efficient way to put calories in a starving person than with a Big Mac. It will also drive the beggars looking for liquor or drug money crazy.

(Just pickin’ up the slack for the man in the White House.)

Saturday, we stopped to eat at a Panera Bread Store on the Upper East Side. A couple comes in with their daughter, freaks out over a few stains on the table. Goes and gets an employee to clean it. Then, the mother liberally (no pun intended) distributes hand cleaner to her family.

This scene provoked a question: Are progressive liberals more likely to use sanitizer than anyone else? After all, they seem to live lives of fear, dependent on the government to save them from everything imaginable and unimaginable.

We couldn’t decide the answer, but would sure like to see a national scientific survey on the matter.

Then, there is the whole issue of babies — who doesn’t have them and wants them, and who has
them and doesn’t want them.

Reading the subway advertisements is instructive on this subject. There were many subway ads for the abortion clinics “celebrating 40 years of choice,” which obviously refers to Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court abortion decision of 1973. And then there was the advertisement for the egg donor clinic, seeking women between 21 and 32 years old, who, for their eggs, would be paid $8,000.

Let’s see, back when the Kellermans (from "The Out-of-Towners") were experiencing New York disasters, three years before the Roe v. Wade disaster, people who had babies they didn’t want gave them up for adoption to people who wanted babies they didn’t have.

Of course, that wasn’t big business like abortion and egg harvesting is today (and, of course, you may need a surrogate mother, too). Not much profit in adoption is there?

And don’t forget the psychologists earning fees down the road when the kid learns half of them came from a person unknown and their gestation period was spent in another person they don’t know. As they try to sort out who they are, it shouldn’t take more than 30 or 40 years of weekly visits to a psychologist, wouldn’t you say?

You don’t suppose making money is behind today’s dubious baby “solutions” do you?

Jim Thompson, formerly of Marshall, is a graduate of Hillsboro High School and the University of Cincinnati. He resides in Duluth, Ga., following decades of wandering the world, and is a columnist for The Highland County Press.