You know you're getting older...
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By
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A friend and father of young children asked me, as a father of three, a tough question today: At what point did you realize your children know things that you didn't think they should know?
There's no easy answer, of course.
As a father, and as I look back on my many mistakes in the bringing up of my children, my best advice is this: Never let them learn to read.
Once they learn to read, it's the beginning of the end.
Any self-respecting parent must realize this. Teach your young offspring to read and you are asking for a lifetime of problems.
For instance, when my first born was 3 or 4 and asked, "Father, Sir, who was the first president of the United States?", I could respond with something like "Knute Rockne."
She accepted that, and all was right with the world.
Later, after she'd read every book in the Hillsboro Library and had long since forgotten about George Washington or Knute Rockne, the questions would get tougher.
So she'd consult with her mother.
With a younger sister not too many months behind, I had a new audience. She would ask, "Dad, who was the greatest baseball player of all time, not counting you?" (The brainwashing technique worked.)
My response was Ted Williams.
She accepted that, and all was right with the world.
Somewhere along the way, our daughters learned to read and no longer accepted everything the old man said at face value.
A few years later, our son arrived and once again, there were childhood questions and fatherly answers.
He accepted that, and all was right with the world.
My children are adults now. And even though they will always be kids to me, I've come to realize – with a natural resistance all the way – that it's OK that they know things I didn't think they should know. I don't always like it, but it's OK.
Thanks to their mother, they most likely will not become a burden to society. Yes, they can read. And, when all else fails, they can think.
My dad, when he was annoyed at my lack of attention to the task at hand, had more than a few words of encouragement for me. These words often started with phrases such as, "Rory, you could screw up an anvil." Or, "Whatever you do, don't think. You're not very good at it."
After sharing all of this, I trust my friend will be a better father. If not, it's OK. His children are already looking out for him."
* * *
You know you're getting older…
There are a good number of Internet Web sites that offer humorous endings to the line "You know you're getting older when..." (The insertion of the ellipsis…well, it's the crucial contextual clue.)
Anyway, it's fun game to play, and it's not too difficult to come up with your own lists. Such as:
You know you're getting old when...
Your bones and joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals (or trifocals).
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, but your body is falling apart.
Many of your co-workers were born after you got your driver's license.
Friends call at 9 o'clock and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
You have one helluva party and the neighbors didn't even realize it.
You read more but remember less.
You begin every other sentence with, "Back in the day" or "Several years ago…"
These are all funny enough; but another barometer, for me, besides using the word "barometer" in a sentence, is reading about so-called celebrities that I've never heard of.
Several years ago, back in the day, I wrote about the following "celebrities" in USA magazine.
• Dominic Monaghan — Never heard of him.
• Gideon Yago — Never heard of him.
• Freddy Adu — Never heard of him.
• Candace Bushnell — Never heard of her.
• Fred Thompson — Heard of him.
• Kyle Chandler — I thought he might be related to Brandy Chandler or the Chandler fellow from "Friends," but he's not; so, I never heard of him, either.
• Sarah Jessica Parker — Heard the name, couldn't tell you one thing about her.
• Chris Noth — Never heard of him – or her.
There you have eight celebrity names and the only one I'm at all familiar with is that of a former Republican senator from Tennessee who has appeared on the television series "Law and Order" and had roles in "Cape Fear" and "The Hunt for Red October."
Someone, anyone, please tell me who in the Sam Hill is Gideon Yago. Is he the guy that places Bibles in motel rooms?
It's past my bedtime.
Rory Ryan is the Old Guy at The Highland County Press.[[In-content Ad]]
There's no easy answer, of course.
As a father, and as I look back on my many mistakes in the bringing up of my children, my best advice is this: Never let them learn to read.
Once they learn to read, it's the beginning of the end.
Any self-respecting parent must realize this. Teach your young offspring to read and you are asking for a lifetime of problems.
For instance, when my first born was 3 or 4 and asked, "Father, Sir, who was the first president of the United States?", I could respond with something like "Knute Rockne."
She accepted that, and all was right with the world.
Later, after she'd read every book in the Hillsboro Library and had long since forgotten about George Washington or Knute Rockne, the questions would get tougher.
So she'd consult with her mother.
With a younger sister not too many months behind, I had a new audience. She would ask, "Dad, who was the greatest baseball player of all time, not counting you?" (The brainwashing technique worked.)
My response was Ted Williams.
She accepted that, and all was right with the world.
Somewhere along the way, our daughters learned to read and no longer accepted everything the old man said at face value.
A few years later, our son arrived and once again, there were childhood questions and fatherly answers.
He accepted that, and all was right with the world.
My children are adults now. And even though they will always be kids to me, I've come to realize – with a natural resistance all the way – that it's OK that they know things I didn't think they should know. I don't always like it, but it's OK.
Thanks to their mother, they most likely will not become a burden to society. Yes, they can read. And, when all else fails, they can think.
My dad, when he was annoyed at my lack of attention to the task at hand, had more than a few words of encouragement for me. These words often started with phrases such as, "Rory, you could screw up an anvil." Or, "Whatever you do, don't think. You're not very good at it."
After sharing all of this, I trust my friend will be a better father. If not, it's OK. His children are already looking out for him."
* * *
You know you're getting older…
There are a good number of Internet Web sites that offer humorous endings to the line "You know you're getting older when..." (The insertion of the ellipsis…well, it's the crucial contextual clue.)
Anyway, it's fun game to play, and it's not too difficult to come up with your own lists. Such as:
You know you're getting old when...
Your bones and joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals (or trifocals).
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, but your body is falling apart.
Many of your co-workers were born after you got your driver's license.
Friends call at 9 o'clock and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
You have one helluva party and the neighbors didn't even realize it.
You read more but remember less.
You begin every other sentence with, "Back in the day" or "Several years ago…"
These are all funny enough; but another barometer, for me, besides using the word "barometer" in a sentence, is reading about so-called celebrities that I've never heard of.
Several years ago, back in the day, I wrote about the following "celebrities" in USA magazine.
• Dominic Monaghan — Never heard of him.
• Gideon Yago — Never heard of him.
• Freddy Adu — Never heard of him.
• Candace Bushnell — Never heard of her.
• Fred Thompson — Heard of him.
• Kyle Chandler — I thought he might be related to Brandy Chandler or the Chandler fellow from "Friends," but he's not; so, I never heard of him, either.
• Sarah Jessica Parker — Heard the name, couldn't tell you one thing about her.
• Chris Noth — Never heard of him – or her.
There you have eight celebrity names and the only one I'm at all familiar with is that of a former Republican senator from Tennessee who has appeared on the television series "Law and Order" and had roles in "Cape Fear" and "The Hunt for Red October."
Someone, anyone, please tell me who in the Sam Hill is Gideon Yago. Is he the guy that places Bibles in motel rooms?
It's past my bedtime.
Rory Ryan is the Old Guy at The Highland County Press.[[In-content Ad]]