More pressure than I need this century

I may have to wait another 105 years for this phenomenon.

If I oversleep, overwork, overindulge or simply forget about it, I'll have to wait until the year 2117 in order to witness the next transit of Venus across the face of the Earth's sun.

Now, I am a patient man. But 105 years is a bit much, even for this guy.

In case you've missed the latest news from the International Space Station and The Great Gazoo, as reporting for the Bedrock Banner-Picayune, on Tuesday, June 5, the transit will start (on this continent) just before sunset.

My MacBook dictionary explains that this transit is different from the one I used as a surveyor for more than a decade.

In astronomy, the transit effect is explained as "the passage of an inferior planet across the face of the sun, or of a moon or its shadow across the face of a planet."

There have been only seven transits of Venus in the last 400 years.

By the way, who knew Venus was an inferior planet?

A Fox News report advised that "From Earth, Venus will appear to cover just 1/32 of the face of the sun, so you'll need 'very good conditions and very good eyes' to view the event without magnification."

Oh, and, as always, don't forget your protective eyewear, because "without it, the intensity of the sun's light can cause serious retina damage."

You don't say?

I don't have protective eyewear, but I do have a Lietz transit (sans sun filter) through which I plan to view the Venus transit. Nothing like livin' on the wild side.

And if it's a cloudy evening, I'll try again in 105 years. Not only am I patient, I'm also bulletproof.

* * *

Rest stops and state budgets 
 
As patient as I can be about some things, I'm less so about others. Like peeing, for example.

At this stage of my life, when I decide it's time to pee, well, it's time to pee. Or it soon will be.

In an attempt to cut state budgets and related expenses, a number of the nation's states and commonwealths have reduced their respective numbers of public rest areas along interstates and highways.

That's all well and good…except when it isn't, shall we say, convenient.

This week, most Ohio media received the following news releases from the Ohio Department of Transportation:

"In an effort to generate millions of dollars for the construction of some of the state’s largest, most expensive transportation projects, the Ohio Department of Transportation is moving forward with a plan to explore the commercial development of certain state-owned rest areas.

"The state is pursuing the conversion to service plazas of five of the state’s 59 non-interstate rest areas, similar to what currently exists on the Ohio Turnpike: two on U.S. Route 50 in Athens County, two on U.S. Route 33 in Hocking County and one on U.S. Route 23 in Pickaway County. The development of 45 rest areas along Ohio’s major interstates is not currently under consideration.

“Rest areas are expensive to operate and maintain, and in some cases, they have become safety hazards to motorists traveling in our state,” said ODOT Director Jerry Wray. “If we can generate enough money to offset the costs and improve safety, Ohioans will be better off."

In spite of Director Wray's comments, I have to admit that I've never encountered a safety hazard while stopping to pee at a public rest area.

While I appreciate his concern for my personal safety, I might appreciate state government even more if it would make those laws that prohibit personal relief along interstate highways commensurate with the proximity of a public rest stop.

Lord knows, I hope the statute of limitations has expired on what I'm about to share (I guarantee the evidence has evaporated), but I once had to pee – really bad – along Interstate 90 in Montana. I was holding it for 75 or 100 miles or more and hadn't seen a single public rest stop or any other sign of commercial activity when I said the hell with it. I pulled over.

Pam asked, "Why are we stopping?"

"To look at the stars and the last Venus transit for a million years," I said.

"You had to pee, didn't you?" she asked.

"Well, yes, but there's a full moon tonight, too."

* * *

Darby Shaw is a Pretty Woman, too

As much as I like Audrey Bolte's family, I can't help but offer some belated words of wisdom to the Miss Ohio winner and Miss USA second runner-up.

If you're going to reference Julia Roberts films, your best bet is to avoid "Pretty Woman" and stick with "The Pelican Brief" (or "Erin Brockovich.")

Aside from that, great job, young lady. Your family has every reason to be proud of your efforts!

* * *

Council legislates, Administration enforces

In August 2010, Hillsboro City Council President Lee Koogler wrote in The Highland County Press, "Council legislates, Administration enforces."

Indeed.

In Section 705.79, under "powers and duties of a mayor," we read: The mayor of a municipal corporation organized under sections 705.71 to 705.86, inclusive, of the Revised Code, shall:

(A) See that the laws and ordinances are enforced;

(B) Recommend measures to the council for adoption;

(C) Keep the council fully advised of the financial condition and future needs of the municipal corporation.

Indeed.

I could go on and on. But there's another urge at present, the relief for which is none of the state's business.

Sure glad I live in the center of 55 acres of woods.

Rory Ryan is publisher of Highland County's real local newspaper – and they can't stand it. Really, they can't!