Bob and Cliff get it

It's good to see that Highland County's two state lawmakers understand that they cannot legislate against stupidity.

Sadly, it looks like the majority in Columbus think they can.

As legislation goes, House Bill 99 is about as ridiculous and as feel-good as it gets.

Rep. Cliff Rosenberger of Clarksville and Sen. Bob Peterson of Sabina understand that. Both oppose the bill, which is also known as the ban on "texting" while driving.

It's refreshing to see that some in the Legislature understand that this bill, while noble in its intent, remains flawed in its application and enforcement.

As reported, if enacted, the new law would ban texting while driving.

For those of us who do not "text," the term applies to sending email messages via a cellphone or similar electronic apparatus.

Frankly, it is my intent to be the only man in America who does not own a cellphone. Thus, I will never be caught "texting" while driving, nor will I ever have the need to sprint from Judge Rocky Coss' courtroom when my cellphone rings and violates his court policy prohibiting such rude interruptions. (At least when this happened to one local attorney, he was in good enough shape to reach the courtroom exit before the second ring and the pending fine.)

Under the current bill, the texting violation would be a secondary offense, meaning law enforcement could not issue a citation unless officers have cause to stop a driver for other violations, according to the legislation.

In addition, the legislation would ban the use of any handheld electronic communications devices by teenage drivers younger than 18 – except in the case of an emergency.

Now, here's where the law starts getting interesting. Unless he's equipped with Superman's X-ray vision, how, pray tell, can a law officer determine whether a driver is texting or simply answering his phone?

Furthermore, as Rep. Rosenberger pointed out, where does the legislation stop? If texting and driving is banned in Ohio, surely eating a Dave Yost-endorsed Big Mac is equally criminal, if not more so. Seriously, can you handle two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion and a sesame-seed bun while tooling round I-270 at 70 mph? THAT ain't illegal in the Buckeye State.

Can you handle a cup of piping-hot McD's coffee while driving? (Be careful not to spill that stuff on your lap.)

If texting and driving is wrong – and it is – how about hair brushing while driving? Lighting a cigarette while driving? Changing the CD player while driving? Switching from Bill Cunningham to Eric Deters while driving? Rolling down the window while driving. Switching on the windshield wipers while driving?

Do you know that Ohio law actually REQUIRES drivers – who may leave home on a sunny morning and drive into a rainstorm – to TURN ON THEIR HEADLIGHTS WHILE DRIVING?

Talk about a distraction.

I've owned a lot of cars and I've driven a lot more. On some of them, I still can't tell you how to turn on either the wipers or the headlights. But Ohio lawmakers – in their infinite wisdom – have mandated that if you or I are driving along Route 247 and one or two raindrops fall, we'd better get those headlights and wipers on, simultaneously.

Hell, I'd rather learn to text. I'd be about as distracted either way.

Are the Amish buggies required to turn on their headlights when it rains? How about bicyclists? Will Ohio prosecute the GOBA riders who may be forced to pedal through the state during a brief spring shower?

We all should be disappointed in the Republican-controlled Ohio General Assembly and in Gov. John Kasich if this bill comes to fruition. (And it will.)

Ultimately, it's nothing more that revenue enhancement for state and local law enforcement.

Otherwise, why would the Ohio Fraternal Order of Police, which supports the bill, prefer that texting be a primary offense because it would have been easier to enforce. Follow the money.

"Texting and driving is stupid and dangerous, but there are reckless operation laws on the books," Ohio Sen. Bob Peterson, R-Sabina, told me this afternoon.

He's right.

So is Rep. Rosenberger, who said, "I voted 'no' on this bill in the House. I understand the concerns, but as I asked my colleagues, 'When do you start regulating eating and driving?'"

Rep. Rosenberger said he did not get an answer to his question.

And he won't.

Taxpayers ought to be disappointed in Republican leadership in the House and Senate. They hold the majorities, after all.

Sen. Bill Seitz, a Republican from Cincinnati, said the legislation was "hastily drafted," and could lead to multiple citations for the same offense.

It also could lead to costly services. Suppose a driver accused of "texting" refuses to turn over his cellphone? Does the officer have to seek judicial approval for a search and seizure? If so, at what cost?

Oh, that's right. It is at no cost to the law enforcement office or the court. Because, once again, taxpayers foot the bill.

Ohio lawmakers ought to be ashamed of themselves. This bill is unenforceable and law officers have much more important things to do than being the official state TP (texting police).

No one with half a brain advocates texting and driving. And no one with half a brain seriously thinks Ohio or any other state can enforce such a ban.

Frankly, I have driven nonstop from Hillsboro to Fort Myers Beach, Fla. several times. It's an 18-hour drive on a good day, a 23-hour drive on a bad day. If Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia and Florida all ban my thermos of coffee and my pack of Levi Garrett, I'll have to accept flying as my preferred mode of transportation.

Thank you, Senator Peterson and Representative Rosenberger for being voices of reason in an otherwise din of inequity.

Rory Ryan is publisher of The Highland County Press. The views expressed herein are not necessarily the views of Cameco Communications, LLC or its staff, but he really doesn't care.