America needs civility

By Jeremy R. Shaffer, MPA, PSHRA-SCP
City of Wilmington Human Resources Director

A disagreement in America once meant two people saw an issue differently. Today, disagreement increasingly turns into suspicion, anger and personal attacks.  

That shift can be seen in comment sections, school board meetings, local government discussions, Facebook pages and everyday conversations. Communities may feel these effects long before they appear in national headlines.

Many Americans recognize the change. National surveys continue to show growing concern about declining civility and increasing division in public life. Public frustration now extends beyond politics and increasingly affects relationships among neighbors, coworkers, families, and communities. Disagreement has become more personal and less productive.

Social media continues to amplify the problem. Platforms reward emotional reactions because conflict drives attention, engagement, and clicks. The loudest voices often receive the most visibility while thoughtful discussion struggles to break through. Communication became easier, but productive conversation became harder.

Artificial intelligence adds another layer to these challenges. AI-driven algorithms increasingly determine what people see online. Content designed to provoke reactions rise to the top because it keeps users engaged.  

Information spreads rapidly regardless of accuracy. Rumors circulate quickly. Screenshots get shared without context.  Opinions form immediately while facts frequently arrive much later. Communities can find themselves reacting before they fully understand what happened.

Local communities increasingly experience the after effects. Discussions surrounding schools, development projects, public safety, local elections, and government decisions begin with assumptions instead of questions. Social media posts can create controversy before complete information becomes available. Public meetings sometimes become tense before conversations even begin.

The tone of disagreement has also changed. Public debate increasingly moves beyond policies and decisions and turns toward individuals. Personal attacks, insults, and efforts to embarrass or discredit people have become common features of public discourse.  

Disagreeing with someone does not require questioning motives, attacking character, or treating opponents as enemies. Communities cannot solve problems when discussions become competitions over who can generate the most outrage.

Previous generations understood something that gets lost online. People generally continued living and working beside one another after an argument ended. Neighbors still saw one another at church, school events, ballgames, grocery stores, and community gatherings. Words carried weight because relationships carried weight.

The “front porch” way of life reflected something larger than nostalgia. Face-to-face conversations required people to read tone, understand intent, and listen before responding. Communities developed trust through repeated interactions and shared experiences. Accountability existed because people knew they would likely see one another again tomorrow.

Technology itself is not the problem. Social media, online communication and technology create tremendous opportunities connecting people in ways previous generations never imagined. People need to raise the communication standard to encourage responsibility, restraint, and basic respect. Instant responses and anonymous comments do not improve conversations.

As America approaches its 250th anniversary, recognizing the importance of civility deserves attention in our communities. Respectful disagreement strengthens communities and personal attacks weaken them. Public trust becomes harder to rebuild once civility disappears. Communities need more conversations rooted in understanding and fewer driven by outrage.

Jeremy Shaffer is a former Highland County commissioner.