When 'I'm sorry' just doesn't cut it

By Dr. Andy and Renie Bowman
Coffeetimecolumn.com
andybowman839@gmail.com

You stepped out there and thoroughly blew it, and you knew it. 

All you could do was apologize. Knowing you were wrong you went ahead…you said “I’m sorry.” 

But the apology you have offered seems to fall way short of the mark. Somehow, it just doesn’t have your intended effect – restoring the relationship that was damaged by your actions. ‘Somebody’s’ nose still seems way out of joint.

Why?

Does the other party have forgiveness issues? Grudge-holding is one of their favorite hobbies that they could easily turn into a profession? Where they could rank at the very top?

Or maybe your victim doesn’t believe you meant one word of your apology, and therefore refuses to let bygones be bygones? 

In their eyes, you have used the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ so many times, that those words seem to hang in the air around you like a smelly smog.

Could be either of those problems. Or, it just might be something else.

It might just be that you did, indeed, mean your apology. You know you were in the wrong, and you owned up to it with those two little words. But your listener is still stiffly regarding you like you’re a skunk that stalked in and proceeded to set up shop in their living room. 

Why? 

Because they need more than your two words of regret. They need you to openly talk. 

They’ve been hurt by you. And they want you to say that you understand how badly they’ve been offended. A real acknowledgment from you of what you did. And then, they need to hear you actually say that you will do differently from now on.

Do you feel the hackles rising on the back of your neck reading this? The reaction you’re experiencing is basically, “Hey, c’mon! I said I’m sorry. I certainly don’t need to fall on my knees and grovel. Ain’t doin’ it!”

Yeah, you can certainly stand on that. But just be prepared for a change in the relationship. A cooler, more distant climate when you are around them. Your choice. 

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can do a lot better job of owning your mistake than that. And when you do, you will stand a whole lot better chance of having a good relationship with that person.

Plus, you will not only have a shot at getting your relationship back on track, but very likely you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror much easier.

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