Enjoy having enemies?

By Dr. Andy and Renie Bowman
Coffeetimecolumn.com
andybowman839@gmail.com

Are you one of those people who always staunchly defends the stand you have taken – no matter what? No backing up and reexamining your thoughts and motives? 

You never attempt to peek around the proverbial corner and try to see the other side of an argument? You know what you believe about a situation or circumstance, and God help the person who disagrees with you. Holding firmly to what you believe is much more important to you than attempting to understand someone else’s opinion. You’d far rather retaliate than negotiate.  

Sure, that total belief in yourself does give you a measure of self-assurance, I admit. But at what cost? Enemies on your doorstep – is it worth it to you? Having a reputation of stubbornness, certain that your beliefs – and only your beliefs – have any merit. 

Being known by those around you as disagreeable, angry and unapproachable. That gives you a sense of well-being? That is your idea of a great life?

You probably live with a certain amount of arrogance and assurance if this describes you. But you probably also live with the knowledge that you are despised by many around you. 

And as you have been reading all this, you may have instantly thought, “So what? I know what I believe is right in life, and if people don’t like it, tough. I don’t have to live and talk a certain way, just to please others.” 

In other words, you are OK with having enemies. Trying to see their side of a disagreement doesn’t even cross your mind. And volunteering to have a conversation where you listen with an open heart and a willing-to-learn mind? Nope, that ain’t nevah gonna happen. 

Maybe living with a chip on your shoulder is OK with you. Maybe ‘being right’ is far more important to you than anything else. Maybe having enemies has become a way of life for you, and you’re willing for things to stay the same.

But maybe, just maybe, you could learn to patiently listen to the opposite side of the issue. To realize that they may have a real point of view – maybe not one that you can adopt, but still, you can find a way to ‘live and let live.’ In other words, you could rid yourself of having an enemy, even if they can never be a close friend.

Life without dreaded enemies. What a thought.

I realize that a life without any enemies whatsoever is a bit unrealistic. But a life where you decide to try to not hold grudges or create enemies – that’s not unrealistic. That’s goal-worthy. 

Imagine what it would be like to be a different version of you, who is willing to be liked, willing to listen to the other side and actually attempt to understand. Whether you ever come to a complete agreement or not.

Living your life with enemies in it maybe be a life-long habit, but it isn’t a fun habit.