Bringing it on yourself

By Dr. Andy and Renie Bowman
Coffeetimecolumn.com
andybowman839@gmail.com

The very thing that you dread and fear can keep you keep thinking about it. A lot, in fact. And that constant thinking can give way to obsessive anxiety. And then the obsessive anxiety and fear begin to take control of your days…and causing sleepless nights. 

Gradually, the lack of sleep can spiral you into depression, which easily saps your energy. Next thing you know you have lost your zest for your job, your family life, your romantic life and everyday living will seem colorless.

Maybe there is a way to break this habit of destroying your own happiness and personal peace. Maybe you can learn to acknowledge and recognize a potential threat, but not let it turn into a paralyzing dread, to then become absolute soul-sucking fear. To put it in its place.

If you have recognized yourself in these opening paragraphs, you’re flailing around in dark water and trying not to go down for the third time, then take heart. There actually are a few self-help exercises that are worth the effort.

Do this for a few minutes: Review all the people, events, or circumstances that you have feared throughout your life. If I could persuade you to do this, I would like you to actually write them down. Then, sit back and study them. Take the time to remember which ones became reality. 

You will likely find that most simply never came to pass. Yes, of course, some horrible things did occur, but many never actually came into your life.

Realize this all-important fact. “Most of those scary things that you fear? Never actually materialize. We simply let ourself live in fear of those things happening.”

The next step is recognizing your negative-but-oh-so-entertaining thoughts, before they become fear and anxiety. The following is an example of disastrous thinking that leads you into that deep dark water.

“What if all the constant fighting me and my husband are doing doesn’t get better, and we end up in a divorce? Hmmm, I guess I really ought to start preparing for being alone in life……Oh, @$%&$!!! Is it possible that is exactly what he’s been doing? Getting his list together of things he plans to walk away with? Well, he’s got another think a-comin! I’m getting my own list of our financial assets together. I can’t let that scumbag take advantage of me! In fact, we’re having it out tonight, no way he’s taking more than his share!”

See the negative progression, the self-fulfilling prophecy of her fearful thoughts?

It is vital that you learn to recognize your negative thoughts, and then forcibly replace them with a totally different way of thinking about what you fear. Deliberately take control, before you cause an ending that didn’t have to happen. 

Self-fulfilling thinking is real, folks. So it’s definitely worth the effort to keep your thought life positive and try to help create a good ending for yourself.

Or you can just let the opposite happen.